Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
