I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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