your thong is hanging out like whoa
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
