just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
