The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize