i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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