im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
tell your sister to shave her snatch
In America we eat man semen.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
