I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
