My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
