I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
