what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
