Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
