I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I can tuck mytits in my pants
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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