wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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