Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
