please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
