I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
