Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
