Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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