Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
