i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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