I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
