I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize