So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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