did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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