I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
