Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
