All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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