Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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