Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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