There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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