You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
