Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
