did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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