I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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