the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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