I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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