and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
