in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
