idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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