she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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