so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
