Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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