As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Everyone says I win the strip club
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
