Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
