Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
