So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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