Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
