I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
