My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
