just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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