Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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