last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
