I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
