i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
