Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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