So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
