it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
