I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
