The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
