i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I am naked and annoyed.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
