a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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