He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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