Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
