Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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