Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
