I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
