Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
