Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
