This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize