just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
