you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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