I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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