Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
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