JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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