Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
