the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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