I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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