Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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