Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
