why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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