when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
