Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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