Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
