Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If I die, sorry about rent.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize