my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
