Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
