Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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