i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
