I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize