I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
