OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
