So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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