what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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