your thong is hanging out like whoa
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
