what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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