Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
