that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You ruined the universe
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
