If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
