She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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