I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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