The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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