My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
