I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
