I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Even my vagina gasped.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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