That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
