I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
