Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
