i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
