Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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