I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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