YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize