Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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