there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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