I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
