i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
