I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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