it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
