u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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