god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
